sassyfitnesssam

When you feel like quitting, think about WHY you started.

Firstly, I’d like to start by saying thank you for reading this post. It honestly means a lot to me.

So, I’m turning 22 at the end of January; and I’ve been on this “journey” to turn my life around and become the fittest and healthiest I have EVER been. I see a lot of girls saying they were fit in high school because they played sports and they’ve gained a bit of weight since. With me, I was NEVER fit. So after my 21st birthday, I looked back at my photos and my heart broke. Literally. I remember sitting there and thinking, “How did I allow myself to get this way?”

I’ve never been hectic overweight but because I’m so short, the weight I have is extremely visible. Growing up I was an average kid, I wasn’t fat but I was a very busy child so I suppose that played a role.

The weight gained started when I was around five years old when I had been staying in Portugal with my grandparents. Being from a Portuguese family, we don’t shy away from food – so I gained weight. I was fortunate enough to not get bullied while I went to school there, my friends were great.

The problem started when I moved back home. I started primary school here, and first I was picked on because I passed grade 1 but I couldn’t speak English. That eventually blew over and by the time I was 10 I spoke English fluently and had a group of friends. That group of friends was a bunch of thinner, prettier girls. So they started picking on me because I wasn’t as thin as them. My own friends were my bullies. I remember by grade 5 I hardly even went to school because I didn’t want to get bullied anymore.

By grade 6 my mom and I had moved, which meant a new school. So I decided I wasn’t going to get bullied ever again. And I didn’t. But the damage had already been done. If a boy didn’t notice me; was it because I wasn’t as thin as my friends? Or was it because I wasn’t as pretty? That would stay in the back of my mind for a long, long time.

By the time high school came around, I wasn’t chubby anymore. I wasn’t thin either, but I wasn’t as fat anymore. Throughout high school my weight was like a yo-yo. I gained weight, I lost weight. The cycle went on. But in the back of my mind, I still thought I wasn’t pretty enough, or thin enough – or even good enough. If the boy I liked didn’t notice me, it was because I wasn’t pretty enough for him to notice me. This cycle went on and on for those 5 years.

After I left high school my mindset began to change. People would tell me I was pretty but I needed to lose weight. Again, my self confidence was non-existent. In the time period between 2013-2015 was when I became my heaviest. I worked in retail so for breakfast I would eat fried chips, lunch would be something unhealthy, and by dinner time I was so hungry I would eat way more than I was supposed to. And due to all the stress, and the fact that I’m a stress-eater, the weight piled on. I was nearly at 70kg, and this by the age of 20.

So what happened that made me want to become healthier?

At my 21st birthday we took photos, plenty. Six months later I remember going through those photos and feeling so disgusted at myself. Back then I wasn’t that worried about how I looked, but looking at the photos now – I get sad. Why would I allow myself to get to that point? When I look at those photos, I don’t know who that person is.

So towards the end of 2015 I started doing Kayla Itsines’ Bikini Body Guide and joined the gym. That was a yo-yo too. I would start BBG, then stop. Then start again. Then stop again. But I was a lot more comfortable in my skin than before. And people started to notice. The boy that I liked for five years, yeah, he commented on how good I looked. Not to my face of course, but it got around to me. And the best revenge – I plan on looking even better. For five years I liked him, and for five years he didn’t ever think of liking me back – well, I’ll show him. 😉

So it’s 2016, and this year I want to make a commitment to myself. To being the healthiest me, the fittest me, that I have ever been. Now I know it will be hard, because honestly, I struggle with the healthy eating the most. But I have surrounded myself with good people; friends that I made when I first started my journey, and new girls that don’t even know me personally but their kind words make me believe that I can and I will achieve whatever I put my mind to.

I want to be there for the girls that felt exactly like I did, and how I still do, and help them grow into beautiful, confident women. Because everyone deserves having people in their corner.

Here’s to 2016; may it be a year of confidence and happiness. May you be the happiest you have ever been.

– Sam.